Will I ever make it home....: I'm alive...I promise!

Will I ever make it home....

Monday, October 02, 2006

I'm alive...I promise!

Hello! How are ya'll? Well, for those who care and who still read this, I am still here. I have just been so busy with everything. So a quick update on everything. Hmm...where to begin. Okay. I go it!

Well, last week I was really sick with what the doctor called an upper respiratory infection. But I have had them before and that was nothing like what I have experienced before. I mean I was flat out on my butt. For a couple of days, I seriously wanted to crawl under a rock and die. But I think I am getting better. I only get really bad coughing fits where I feel I might puke. I know, it's sexy!

I have been so busy at work, trying to get things in order and trying to get things done. We have this inspection in March that is very important. So, everyone has been running around like chicken with their head cut off. TS&HA is well too sick, in the head. At least that is what she says and now she gets to be off work and do whatever it is she does when she is off work. It's crazy. I mean I work my butt off and people expect me to try harder and give more. While she messes up all the time, is never here, and they expect next to nothing from her. LCS is now my boss. He got a promotion and is now in charge of our section. I think it will be good. He sort off lets me take off with certain ideas in how to improve things here and lets me run with it. I really do appreciate that sort of creative building he supports. And he doesn't treat me like a complete idiot, so I think things will look up.

Speaking of work, I am still looking up jobs in San Antonio. I am a little unnerved by the future transition out of the military, but I am so ready to just be done with it. I am going to miss the benefits. I am sure RC feels the same way, since he doesn't know if he will find a job there. But I told him he could be my househusband. LOL....Sorry, the mental picture is just enough to make me smile. I am still debating whether we'll be able to get a house, I mean that is a huge commitment. And it is pretty scary thinking about it. What if things don't work out? I mean geez. We'd be stuck like chuck because of a house.

This past weekend was RC's 24th birthday. We had a lot of fun! I made reservations at a Bed and Breakfast in Oakland, MD which is about 3 hours from here. It was absolutely beautiful up there. We were close to West Virginia and this beautiful lake. But it was so cold up there, and it did rain quite a bit. But we really enjoyed ourselves, and got to relax. It was nice to just get away from things for a couple of days. We didn't have any cell phone service up there, so it sucked but it was nice to not have to worry about people calling and such (Sorry, Specy I know you wanted to talk to RC, but get over it!). We got to have a wonderful romantic getaway, and even though it too cold to fish, hike, or go horsebackriding, it was awesome to just be in this cozy place in a secluded town tucked away in all this beautiful nature. I got some nice pictures of stuff before we left and hopefully I will post them up for ya'll.

I am getting ready to go get my little man, soon. I can't wait. It's so nerve racking. I feel like it's a first date, or something. I am so nervous about seeing him and how he will react. He is a little bit older now and can understand things that he might not have last year. I always think he might get upset that he has to come back here. But on a good note, he wanted to talk to RC on Sunday. Which surprised both of us! I mean just a couple of weeks ago he was calling him stupid. Which ignited a fight with my XH. I thought XH was trying to be spiteful towards me, but he claims complete innocence to that. Oh well. What can I do? I can just tell my son that it's not nice to say stuff like that and not give him a reaction to it. Even though I think RC probably might have gotten his feelings hurt. I know Gabe loves him, but I am sure he is confused as to why his mommy and daddy don't live together. Gabe asks why we can't live in the same house. And it's so hard to explain to him. But I am honest with him, and have always strived to be. It's still hard for him to understand. And he might not untill he is a little bit older. I think it would be easier if my XH would just start dating someone seriously, so that Gabe wont feel like I am leaving his daddy behind.

Let's see...what else has been going on?

I haven't really been doing anything. I am just trying to get mentally prepared for the next year. And for life in general. I am growing up a lot. I am figuring out who I am. But it's so hard when there is so much filler to everything. It's all fluff. Smoke and mirrors. It's so hard to be just me. I feel like I have changed so much. Bittered. And I am mad at myself. For so many things. It's just hard for me to just let it out. This blog has helped me a lot. But it's still hard to just be straight up. Because I don't think I am ready to let go of that security. I can unclasp my death grip on how I feel. I am still so lost. I feel like I have been in this rat race and I am beginning to understand that this isn't a race, it's a maze. And sometimes I will make the wrong turns and hit walls and dead ends. So, should I turn around or just find a way under, over or through it? I am still this hurricane of emotions. Just dancing my way through the waters, trying not to destroy too much along my way. I'm only getting older. But am I doing my best to become wiser?

I have always been childish. I'm the person in your office that you may find obnoxious. The one who runs in the halls screaming. The one who super glues your phone to your desk. Or your mouse to your mousepad and your mousepad to your desk. Or changes your password on your computer. Or draws on your pictures. Or who puts bugs in your stuff to get a reaction. The one who skips around, laughing like a maniac at times. I know you might be thinking I am this nerd, or a mean person. But that is just me. I like to have fun. And be weird. RC knows. I ask ridiculous questions, I try to satisfy my curiousity with all things in life. I am trying to make this the best ride I can. And even if sometimes I do misstep when I am skipping, and even if I may be hoarse from laughing so hard, I am learning how to laugh at myself. For always getting food on myself. For always being unperfect. For always being human. And because I make mistakes and missteps, I have learned that life isn't always so scary. And that in order to enjoy the good, I have to have some bad happen. And even if I might not laigh when bad things happen, I know that eventually I will.

So, that's what has been going on with me.

Oh yeah! Only 19 more days till the big 1 year anniverssary for me and RC. And on the 3rd of November, I think will be my 1 year bloggiverssary. So yay!!!

Ha ha ha. Have a nice week, ya'll!

posted by The Devil @ 7:19 AM

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