| Monday, July 17, 2006 |
| Dearest Big Johnny: |
Hey, buddy! What's up?! I have missed you so much. I hope you have been okay. I heard some bad news today. I was rather awestruck when I was told, and I wish I was there to hold your hand, or tell you thank you for all you have done for me. You are the best person I have met in a long time. You took me in, accepted me as I was. And didn't forget about me when I moved away. You still called me, we still hung out.
We would go out, get drunk, I would puke all over your car (twice) and you still were my friend. When I couldn't buy my son a mattress, you did for me. And gave it to me as a gift, even though my pride stung. You would be completely honest with me. Telling me I was too pretty to be so desperate, and what guys were wrong for me. You took care of me, and made sure I was always okay. You always made me smile, and held me when I cried. You understood my sense of humor, my need for humanness, my sarcastic nature, and my blundering need to get totally obliterated.
You knew I was in pain, but masked it with a numb drunkness. You gave the best hugs, and could dance your ass off. You know about my love for platanitos and Salvadorian sour cream. You love me, even though I am mexican. And you made me laugh, and pointed out my flaws, without remorse. You'd build me up, break me down, and put me back together better than before. Your innate kindness showed me that the world wasn't such a bad place, that I had a right to be pissed. That it was okay for me to not forgive in certain circumstances. And you showed me how to love myself more. I am worth it! (Did that just sound L'oreal-esque?) You are right!
You promised me things, but didn't come through. You brought me things I never asked for, but you knew I needed. You. Just you. How could it be like this now? I was coming to see you, and just like always you slipped out the door faster than I could get to you. I didn't get to say goodbye, or say thank you for all the wonderful memories we have shared.
I am mad at you, for leaving me alone. I thought you would come party with me in Houston one day, and that our kids would play together at Chuck E. Cheese's. Or that you would meet Randy. And tell me that you missed me. And we would hug, and you would make fun of me. And everything would be good. You were the only good friend I have here. My first good friend. And after all the crazy things we did together, after all the times you took me under your wing, and showered me with your knowledge....I have to forgive you. It wasn't your time to go, but you did. And I am so upset!
It's not fair, when there are assholes who rape and murder people who need to go, but live to be old. And here you are. This wonderful kind, big hearted person, and you left. Without saying goodbye, without hugging me one more time, without making me smile, through my runny mascara. I will see you once more, with tears in my eyes, and a sadness in my heart.
As I say goodbye, to the most wonderful man I knew. An outstanding father, a magnificient friend, a competetive soul. I hope you are better now. And in a better place. I hope you are not in pain. And that you can hear me pray for you. I have prayed for the first time in a year. Thank you. Oh, Johnny....my dearest Johnny....I love you. *muah*
-Your friend in life (and maybe one day I will meet you for a kamikaze shot wherever you are)-
Nancy |
posted by The Devil @ 8:26 AM  |
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Name: The Devil
Home: Somewhere in, Texas, United States
About Me: I'm a young mom, who stresses out far too much.
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