Will I ever make it home....: "See you later"

Will I ever make it home....

Friday, June 09, 2006

"See you later"

That is it. No more.

Until October. Till I see your shinning face again. Hear your tender sweet nothings in my ear. Till I can feel your warm embrace. Till I can experience your loving affection.

I sit here yearning.

Burning for you. I will continue to simmer. I will continue to love from a distance. The shadow behind you. The blanket to caress you at night. I will be your comfort. You happiness and joy. Just as you are mine.

Tomorrow, I leave you. Not behind. But just here.

Without truly knowing if you'll understand. If you'll forgive me. Will it all wash away when you see me again. Will you miss my smell, my smile, my voice, my touch? Will you miss how I look at you? Will you miss me laughing with you? Will you miss my impatience? My anger?

As I lay in bed, not being able to sleep, I wonder how you are. I wonder what you doing, or thinking. Who will receive your affection? Who is there to embrace you throughout the day? Who will kiss your eyes each night, and whisper in your ear? Who will have a secret for you when you want one? Who will have a surprise for you when you get home?

Not me. NOT ME.

Do you understand? Maybe not. You probably resent me. I have seen your hot tears falling when you see me turn away.

I bite my tongue, my cheek, my lip. I don't want to go. But I have to.

Our time is done. You are not mine anymore. I will always belong to you, but you are no longer binded to me. You are no longer dependent of me. You have entered another stage in your life where you are better off like this.

Tonight will be the most difficult of every other night. I will see you again. With my painted on smile, my pained eyes, my lonely hands, my empty arms. I want you there. With me.

But no!

It wont be me. It's not ME.

I love you. And I always will.

I will yearn for you and everything you do. The way you know how to get on my nerves. The way you dance without rhythm. Without beat. But with so much heart that it flows out of you. I will miss your beautiful eyes looking at me. Your hot tears on my cheek. Your selfish embrace. Your everything. Demands and pleas. All the attention you wanted. I will miss it.

I hope it is easier for you. Because I feel like I have just died a little bit inside.

I will always keep dying when you leave. Forever.

You were mine. I love you.

How can I just turn around, walk away when I can so clearly see you don't understand. How can I make you understand that I made this decision with your best interest in mind? How I can explain it to you in terms that wont mislead you? I love you. LOVE YOU. It aches me to know you aren't near to me. To not be able to just walk over and see you.

No.

I will be far away. But please know that I will leave you my heart.

posted by The Devil @ 3:56 PM

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