Will I ever make it home....
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
This is for the S-Project. I hope you all enjoy. And please criticize away!

Out of all the things I hate the most in life, it is blind dates. I can see the premise there. You meet someone without seeing them first, and you decide to meet somewhere. You know, all that ladi-dadi, if you will. But, see me, I've never had a hard time finding dates, if you know what I mean? I ain't bad looking, but I ain't no Brad Pitt. I am just you know, a little more than average. And what is it with you're friends always thinking they can set you up with someone that would "be perfect for you"? What is that all about?! I have never thought that someone was perfect for someone. Shit, we aren't perfect so what makes anyone perfect for anyone, let alone a single person. Oh, sorry. There I go again on some tangent. So, yeah. Let me tell you why it is that I don't trust people that want to set me up with one of their "oh so wonderful" girlfriends who just happens to be single. So, let me start from the beginning, if there really is one at this point.

Okay, okay. Well, I first heard of her through my cousin's girlfriend. I guess she knew her but didn't know her well, you know could tell me basics. I was single and young and dumb, and well you know the rest. So, I wasn't going to miss out on the opportunity to wine and dine someone, if it meant that we could.....well, not to be all crude...So yeah, you know the rest. I guess we had started emailing each other, after my cousin's girlfriend told her about me and gave me her email addy. And it advanced to IMing one another for a couple of days, until my wittiness just got her revved up to go. She seemed nice enough and well, she was younger than I usually liked girls to be, but I figured if anything it'd be nice to put it in her. Ha ha. That sounded funny. So, we talked on the IM thing and she came out with a whole we should meet up scenario. I put it off, since I didn't know what she looked like, and she didn't know what I looked like. I guess that was pretty even ground. So yeah, we met up. Let me tell you about that first.

We met up on a Saturday or was it a Friday, shit I don't remember....but you get the gist of it. We met up at a local pool hall. Specy's or something like that on her side of town. Right off the bat I could tell she was a brat. She had that look. Like I am not amused, well you picked the spot! But yeah, I happened to be at the bar, and in she walks talking on her cell phone. Who gives a 16 year old a cell phone? Don't get me wrong I didn't figure she was that young until she mentioned something about high school and some sophomore classes, but that is later. Anywho, she was wearing this nice little dress, not too fited and had long dark hair with some crazy color streaks in it. I think they were either pink or red. I don't know it was a dark place. She swung her hair back, and looked right at me and had this sneaky smile. I almost wanted to turn around and look behind me. She looked around the place, as if someone there would tell her who I was. She was tall, and she was wearing these sexy like slutty shoes. A little skinnier than I liked girls, but she was nice. I guess she was trying not to look disappointed when I walked up to her and asked her name. She nodded politely, and I stepped in to give her a hug, but she hesitated mid-hug which made it akward. She was actually really pretty once you got up close, in a sort of glamorous way. She wore a lot of make-up, and that is kind of gross to me. But enough about how she looked!

We got a pool table, eventually. She was drinking a sprite with a cherry, and I had a beer. We got to playing. She was either trying to be bad for my sake, or she just really sucked. I let her know too many times I think, because by our 3rd game she was rolling her eyes at me, and checking out the other guys in the place. I was getting pissed, 'cus she was you know doing it when I would look at her and acting all distracted. She was getting bitchy, looking at her phone when I was trying to make a shot. She sighed loudly, when I told her it was her turn. I was trying to talk, but she didn't seem to care about what I was talking about. She worked as a personal shopper. Which I tried to get her to explain more, but she wouldn't. Every conservation I started she'd shut me down completely.

We ended up sitting down by the bar to talk, when all of a sudden she runs to the door and starts hugging some guys that walked in. I was pissed, we had actually started talking. I had begun to get some actual conversation and I was startin' to dig her. But she just straight up disrespected me and walked off in the middle of my sentence. I mean, who does that?! She invited the guys over. I was giving them the once over. We introduced ourselves. I guess they were her brother's friends. They looked too old to be in high school. So, they eyeball me, and asked her what she was doing there so late. It was akward. She gave one them a kiss on the cheek. Which to no one's surprise just further pissed me off. Who did this bitch think she was? I mean here I am, I'm 21, in college, got my place and I want to stick it in her little skinny ass, and she is just pissing me off and ignoring me!

Well, the guys end up playing and we're sitting at the table, trying to talk. I found out she was in high school. But I didn't call her out on it. The more I tried to talk for is the blanker her eyes got. Or maybe it was those fucking contacts. She was so fake! How could my cousin's girl do this to me? I was trying to be cool, and talk about college, and my job and stuff. But she didn't care. I was gonna have to call Marco's girl and cuss her out for this bullshit. So, I guess she had asked me something, but I was going over the conversation with my cousin in my head 'cus she leaned in real close and gawked at me with her hands up in question. Like I was some damn kid. I wanted to push her off, but I just told her to quit it. She said "Fuck you, ass!" And walked off. Yeah, to the table with the guys she knew. They looked at me. I looked back. I was furious. I just wanted to slap that hoe.

I couldn't fuckin' believe this conceited ass cunt.

I walked out of the bar. And I sure as hell told Marco to never set me up with crazy ass high school bitches. And to think I had just wanted to fuck her. And I had to deal with that bullshit.

So, yeah, blind dates? Fuck you, ass!
posted by The Devil @ 7:48 PM   0 comments
Monday, October 23, 2006
Fuck this.
posted by The Devil @ 8:45 AM   0 comments
Monday, October 16, 2006
Call Me
This is an entry for The Scheherazade Project. Enjoy. And for those who come to read, please criticize away! I would love to improve my writing skills. Thanks a million!

Sammy walked around in a drunken stupor into the tiny restroom. She looked at her reflection in the dirty mirror and almost shuddered in regret. Why had she decided to take all those shots? It's not like she didn't know how much she could take, if anything she was an expert at knowing her limitations. Her reflection had a sad desperation in it's eyes. She stumbled closer into the streaky mirror and turned the knob on the filthy faucet. The clean water flowed into her hands, and she took a palm full splashing it on the crusty mirror. The filth streaked down in sad tears. She could see her face much more clearly. The green paint in the bathroom gave her face an eerily dead look. She leaned over the sink and peered closer. Her make-up was half sweated off, half smeared under her eyes. Her cheeks were deep hollows. Her lips not full anymore. Her eyes seemed to sag with tiny wrinkles. The sweat dripped off her forehead. Her hair seemed thin and sparse as it was matted to her skin with sweat and hairspray. But the thing that struck her the most, was her empty eyes.

She stumbled away quickly as she muttered to herself. She tripped over unseen things on the floor. Trying to catch herself before falling to the floor, she quickly grabbed on to the stall's door. As she crashed to the ground she found her hand had landed onto some ancient graffiti. Suddenly an old pain hit her. It was a deep throbbing in her chest. She knew what it was, but decided agaisnt acknowledging it. The heartache grew in spurts throughout her body. It was furious and boiling this time. Certainly this had to be the worst night of her life. Slipping into the sudden depression, she caressed the name before her. The door was covered with obscenities and drawings of body parts, by unsteadily drunk hands. She whispered the name into the door, as if he were some lover of her past. Imagination and her drunken stupor got the best of her when she began to see herself walking down the aisle in a pristine white gown, and walking towards "Danny". Their kiss lingered on her lips, and they walked away from the altar as husband and wife. She leaned her head back to get into their limosine, but was snapped back to the soiled stall.

Her hand was clasping the stall door, and she could feel the vibrations of the jukebox playing in the bar. How could she return to that? How could she have the courage to look at his face? To see him in his happiness? She hated the fact that he had moved on without her. That he had found what she had wished for them. And after all this time, she could still feel how frantic she had been with him. Had clung on to him, as he carelessly strung her along. Blistering tears welled up in her eyes. A fire grew inside of her. She banged her head agaisnt the stall, willing herself not to cry. She wiped her eyes. Held her head up high with a small grin on her face. Her cell phone was in her hand before she realized that she had already dialed the number on the door.

"Talk" Her finger hovered over it. It quickly moved over to "End". The numbers light up the dark stall staring omninously at her. 555-0947. What was she doing? She almost laughed out loud at her hopelessness. She sighed heavily. Oh, what the hell? It's probably a wrong number anyway, she thought to herself. But what if that is this "Danny"? And why had someone put his actual number on the stall door. Before she had finished her thoughts, she heard ringing. Oh, no! I pressed the button without realizing it! The phone rested on her shoulder. She took out her lipgloss and messily put some on.



Okay, that's four rings. I can't. As her finger hovered over the "End" button she thought she heard a voice.


Oh, crap. Someone actually answered. Two choices, Sam. Two. Hang up. Or talk. She breathed rapidly.

"Uhhm...hi. Is this....Danny?", She said softly. Her mind was racing along with her heart. She could feel the pulse vibrating agaisnt the phone.

"Yeah. Who is this?", a sleepy, but kind voice came through.

"I'm sorry for bothering you-"

"Is it Joey? Is he alright?"

"-Oh, this has nothing to with uhm-- I'm sorry... I, uh...well, I found your number- and I know this must sound really weird but I decided to call."


"Yeah, oh. I am Samantha, by the way, just in case you were wondering. You know? So, yeah."

"Okay, hi Samantha. Can I call you, Sam..or Sammy? This is akward. Do you usually call strangers in the night?"

"Uhmm..sure...whatever you want, you know? And yeah. Well, I've never done anything like this....and I figured...what the hell. You know what I mean? I just...you know. Didn't think it was a real number....and it is...And now it's...wow...."

"Hmm...I don't know what to say. It's sort of like a twilight zone thing....I...uhm...okay...so where are you? Why did you call me?"

"Ha ha ha...I'm at the bar. You know the one in town, with the pool tables. It's pretty boring here. I...don't know why I called you, in the first place. I guess...I just took a chance. Maybe like, you want to meet up, you know? Or--something...yeah?" She tried not to sound desperate.

"Sure. Be there in 10 minutes. See you there." And he hung up. She literally would have falllen if she wasn't crouched on the floor. Her hand started to close her cell phone. While her body was responsive she stared at his name on the bathroom door, blankly. Ten minutes, Sammy. You got ten. Leave. Leave, right now. Just go. He'll never know. Her mind was racing with clashing thoughts. She wanted to flee her drunkeness. Wanted to lie in her own bed. Except, not alone. She wanted to meet him and do the things that made her happy. She would be better this time. Not cling too tightly. She would play it coy. Afterall...the number worked. And he was on his way.

Sammy was scrambling to get up to the mirror while taking the lipgloss out of her purse once again. She got a hold of the lipgloss, and was smiling back at her reflection. For an instant, there was a real glimmer in her eyes. As she slipped and hit her head on the sink, her eyes and heart sank into the sadness that had beheld her. Before she realized what was happening, she hit the ground. But she didn't feel a thing.

A short time later, "Danny" walked into the bar. He scanned the bar, the pool tables only to find older women and drunk men playing pool or drinking alone. He walked over to the bar to ask the bartender, but decided agaisnt it. As he walked out, he shrugged his shoulders, and thought it was a cruel joke. Danny glanced back looking hopefully to see someone there looking for him. He left into the cool night, seething with anger, as she lay there without pain for the first time in her life for a long time.
posted by The Devil @ 7:17 AM   6 comments
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Copy cat...
Eh? What can I say? I am tired, sleepy, and in a bitchy mood. I hope you enjoy.

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Hmm...It's not a nice thing so I wont say....ha ha ha....

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Hmmmm....I can't think of one just like right off my head...but maybe William Hung. Yes. Him.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

I almost did this morning. Me + Mornings + Frisbee Football = You'll get punched.

4. What is your favorite cheese?

Oooh....probably cheddar....and colby jack...and mozarella...and Oh so many....

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?

Big ol' meat and cheese sanGwich.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

Ha ha ha...It's a tie between Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp...Man....(RC: Christina Ricci? Ha ha ha...)

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

Hmm....Jared Leto. LMAO....(RC: Shania Twain? Wow.)

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

Probably on something completely unnecessary like movies, make-up or candy.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?


10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?

Man, I must be super lucky! OOoh gyros....lol....and all things greek...

11. A demon rises out of Hell and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is...?

Oh...tie between Jack Daniel's and Grey Goose....

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

Hey, Rufus!! You're lookin' good...Hmm...I wish I could have lived in the Victorian era...The gowns, and scandals.....Yum!

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

To love unconditionally.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?

Oh, I'd probably do a cookin' show for real people like me....Who are too busy to make and poor to have all those fancy things...

15. What is your favorite curse word?

Hmm..all....I gotta potty mouth....Shit, I live with a Sailor....FUCK!

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

I'd probably wake up Randy...and start cutting up some mofos....

17. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item?

Hmm....my memories box.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

I'd definitely write out all the things I wish I could have done, and give it to my son.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?

Oh...There's so many cool things....but I think being like Mystique off of X-men....and be able to morph into anyone I want.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

I would have to say the moment I first saw my son. I never want to forget that. And I have never felt so many emotions.

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

The day I saw my dad hit my mom.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool stuff... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now?

Oh Italy. I would love to live there.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

Ha ha ha...Pressure Cooker....I loved that place.

24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out... I can FLOAT!"?

Man! I can float and morph into other people? I'd probably morph into RC's XW. And do evil things.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Oh...Marilyn Monroe

26. The Gates of Hell have opened, and Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

My uncle. I wish I knew him better. And Big Johnny!

27. What's your theme song?

Right now? Maybe " Heal Over" by KT Tunstall.
posted by The Devil @ 10:12 AM   0 comments
Monday, October 02, 2006
I'm alive...I promise!
Hello! How are ya'll? Well, for those who care and who still read this, I am still here. I have just been so busy with everything. So a quick update on everything. Hmm...where to begin. Okay. I go it!

Well, last week I was really sick with what the doctor called an upper respiratory infection. But I have had them before and that was nothing like what I have experienced before. I mean I was flat out on my butt. For a couple of days, I seriously wanted to crawl under a rock and die. But I think I am getting better. I only get really bad coughing fits where I feel I might puke. I know, it's sexy!

I have been so busy at work, trying to get things in order and trying to get things done. We have this inspection in March that is very important. So, everyone has been running around like chicken with their head cut off. TS&HA is well too sick, in the head. At least that is what she says and now she gets to be off work and do whatever it is she does when she is off work. It's crazy. I mean I work my butt off and people expect me to try harder and give more. While she messes up all the time, is never here, and they expect next to nothing from her. LCS is now my boss. He got a promotion and is now in charge of our section. I think it will be good. He sort off lets me take off with certain ideas in how to improve things here and lets me run with it. I really do appreciate that sort of creative building he supports. And he doesn't treat me like a complete idiot, so I think things will look up.

Speaking of work, I am still looking up jobs in San Antonio. I am a little unnerved by the future transition out of the military, but I am so ready to just be done with it. I am going to miss the benefits. I am sure RC feels the same way, since he doesn't know if he will find a job there. But I told him he could be my househusband. LOL....Sorry, the mental picture is just enough to make me smile. I am still debating whether we'll be able to get a house, I mean that is a huge commitment. And it is pretty scary thinking about it. What if things don't work out? I mean geez. We'd be stuck like chuck because of a house.

This past weekend was RC's 24th birthday. We had a lot of fun! I made reservations at a Bed and Breakfast in Oakland, MD which is about 3 hours from here. It was absolutely beautiful up there. We were close to West Virginia and this beautiful lake. But it was so cold up there, and it did rain quite a bit. But we really enjoyed ourselves, and got to relax. It was nice to just get away from things for a couple of days. We didn't have any cell phone service up there, so it sucked but it was nice to not have to worry about people calling and such (Sorry, Specy I know you wanted to talk to RC, but get over it!). We got to have a wonderful romantic getaway, and even though it too cold to fish, hike, or go horsebackriding, it was awesome to just be in this cozy place in a secluded town tucked away in all this beautiful nature. I got some nice pictures of stuff before we left and hopefully I will post them up for ya'll.

I am getting ready to go get my little man, soon. I can't wait. It's so nerve racking. I feel like it's a first date, or something. I am so nervous about seeing him and how he will react. He is a little bit older now and can understand things that he might not have last year. I always think he might get upset that he has to come back here. But on a good note, he wanted to talk to RC on Sunday. Which surprised both of us! I mean just a couple of weeks ago he was calling him stupid. Which ignited a fight with my XH. I thought XH was trying to be spiteful towards me, but he claims complete innocence to that. Oh well. What can I do? I can just tell my son that it's not nice to say stuff like that and not give him a reaction to it. Even though I think RC probably might have gotten his feelings hurt. I know Gabe loves him, but I am sure he is confused as to why his mommy and daddy don't live together. Gabe asks why we can't live in the same house. And it's so hard to explain to him. But I am honest with him, and have always strived to be. It's still hard for him to understand. And he might not untill he is a little bit older. I think it would be easier if my XH would just start dating someone seriously, so that Gabe wont feel like I am leaving his daddy behind.

Let's see...what else has been going on?

I haven't really been doing anything. I am just trying to get mentally prepared for the next year. And for life in general. I am growing up a lot. I am figuring out who I am. But it's so hard when there is so much filler to everything. It's all fluff. Smoke and mirrors. It's so hard to be just me. I feel like I have changed so much. Bittered. And I am mad at myself. For so many things. It's just hard for me to just let it out. This blog has helped me a lot. But it's still hard to just be straight up. Because I don't think I am ready to let go of that security. I can unclasp my death grip on how I feel. I am still so lost. I feel like I have been in this rat race and I am beginning to understand that this isn't a race, it's a maze. And sometimes I will make the wrong turns and hit walls and dead ends. So, should I turn around or just find a way under, over or through it? I am still this hurricane of emotions. Just dancing my way through the waters, trying not to destroy too much along my way. I'm only getting older. But am I doing my best to become wiser?

I have always been childish. I'm the person in your office that you may find obnoxious. The one who runs in the halls screaming. The one who super glues your phone to your desk. Or your mouse to your mousepad and your mousepad to your desk. Or changes your password on your computer. Or draws on your pictures. Or who puts bugs in your stuff to get a reaction. The one who skips around, laughing like a maniac at times. I know you might be thinking I am this nerd, or a mean person. But that is just me. I like to have fun. And be weird. RC knows. I ask ridiculous questions, I try to satisfy my curiousity with all things in life. I am trying to make this the best ride I can. And even if sometimes I do misstep when I am skipping, and even if I may be hoarse from laughing so hard, I am learning how to laugh at myself. For always getting food on myself. For always being unperfect. For always being human. And because I make mistakes and missteps, I have learned that life isn't always so scary. And that in order to enjoy the good, I have to have some bad happen. And even if I might not laigh when bad things happen, I know that eventually I will.

So, that's what has been going on with me.

Oh yeah! Only 19 more days till the big 1 year anniverssary for me and RC. And on the 3rd of November, I think will be my 1 year bloggiverssary. So yay!!!

Ha ha ha. Have a nice week, ya'll!
posted by The Devil @ 7:19 AM   0 comments
About Me

Name: The Devil
Home: Somewhere in, Texas, United States
About Me: I'm a young mom, who stresses out far too much.
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"Before you do anything, think. If you do something to try and impress someone, to be loved, accepted or even to get someone's attention, stop and think. So many people are busy trying to create an image, they die in the process."-Salma Hayek

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