Will I ever make it home....: Just need to vent...

Will I ever make it home....

Friday, February 24, 2006

Just need to vent...

A couple of weeks ago, I went in to my GYN, and got a procedure done to screen for cervical cancer, since my Pap came back abnormal. It was a painful and frightening experience. I have tried not to freak out about it, but I'm a natural worry-wart and tend to stress about things internally even though I try to blow them off. I received the results from my colposcopy procedure. I had been reassured that I was going to be okay, that everything looked fine, except for two spots that they had sampled, by takin biopsies of the differential spots. But she had said that she was sure it would come back low grade squamous intraepithilial lesions on my cervix, and that I would only have to come back in six months and get the procedure done again. Well, after seeing a couple numbers from the hospital, I figured she wanted to explain the results to me. But, it was worse than I had anticipated. I have high grade. Which means they have to remove it. The procedure is called a "LEEP". They basically remove up to 1/4" of the high grade lesions. This procedure is 95% effective. All this is caused from something called the Human Papillomavirus (HPV), which is sadly a sexually transmitted disease. Over 50% of the American population have it, yet they don't know it. There is no cure. Men carry it, but the women are the ones who have these pre-cancerous things happen, like me. It's rather alarming to know that I don't know who I got it from, or if I have infected anyone. I have yet to schedule my LEEP surgery, and I'm definitely not looking forward to. I'm scared. I have bit my cheek, so as not to cry. I hear the words, pre-cancerous. Many horrible images come to my mind. I am only 22. I don't want to die, yet.

So, since everyone has been gone....Work has been....stressful. You'd think the less people here, the better? Nope, not in this case. Disease knows no holiday, as my old commander used to say. I have had to bust my ass, trying to maintain this facility up to par, while trying to do my work, and the other two people who were gone. One isn't back, yet. He is a nice guy. We get along well. But as far as work, he doesn't really do shit. So, I'll dub him....Lazy Cool Specialist (LCS). So LCS has helped me a lot through the whole moving here, and getting by. He watches my son, since he knows I don't have an alternate babysitter, when I have to work. His kids and my kid get along awesome. We joke, we share and office together, and sometimes we carpool. We talk to each other (or I always talk, he listens). But as far as work, he tends to want to be lazy. And it's annoying. Since the other girl that works here (we'll call her Too Sick & Have Appointments-TS&HA), is usually, well....too sick and has too many appointments, to actually be here during duty hours. I love her. She is such a sweetheart and just a cool person. So, I feel bad to bitch about them not working. But if I try to sit on my ass and be lazy, I get knocked for it. It's sucking to be here right now. I love what I do. I have never said that I hate the work. It's the other petty bullshit, that I have to deal with, that pisses me off. I am the youngest one here, so I get treated like a damn slave. Cleaning, picking up after people, having to make sure their shifts are covered, and other lame crap like that. It's annoying. Shouldn't I be the one making messes, and messing up? Not the other way around? They don't need me here. They need their mothers (or fathers). It's so hard to respect people who don't do shit, really. And I know I am still "new" here and don't know all the inner workings and haven't gotten in too good with my "boss", but still!

I'm PMSing, I'm tired, and I'm super cranky. I have to work this weekend, and I don't want to. I want to sleep in. I want some food. I want to go out and have a beer. I want, I want, I want! I sound like Gabe! Maybe that's where he gets it from!

Speaking of Gabe, he has been a completely different kid. He had a really nasty ear infection, so that sort of explains why he was so cranky and so testy with me. He is super-affectionate now, and listens to me. He has been a little angel, compared to how he was a week ago. I took him to the park yesterday. We played for an hour. Came home, he actually ate his dinner! Took a bath, and helped me put him to bed. I can almost hear again, since he hasn't been screaming bloody murder in the past week. So, I guess I am done venting.

Thanks for "listening"...........

posted by The Devil @ 10:04 AM

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