Will I ever make it home....: Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow....

Will I ever make it home....

Monday, December 05, 2005

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow....

With Christmas and the other winter holidays fast approaching, I have contemplated quite a few things. I have seen "snow" or what we call snow in Texas. But I have never had snow be like how it is here on the East coast. It's scary. We are supposed to get 4 inches today...Four inches of snow....WTF? That's more snow that I have seen in my life...all at one time. And I have to drive home in it! Oh well, I suppose with all the wonderful drivers here, I shall expect maybe about 12 accidents on the way home. But yeah, as the merry season awaits us, I have sat here and thought of all I have gone through in this year. What a miserable year it has been, and I can't wait to start off 2006. I hope it is a better year for me, generally speaking. I shall sit here patiently waiting for all this to be over. I assume next year I will finally be able to accomplish more than I have in this past year. I know I haven't been good this year, so Santa...I honestly don't expect much from you. I shall stive to be a better little girl next year so I wont get coal lumps in my stocking again. I think I will also try to be a more patient, loving parent. It's hard at this time, because parenting can be so trying. Single parenting is down-right frustrating, and seeing as to which I am parenting a ruthless 2 year old, well I think I have my work cut out for me. My son gets bigger everyday, I see everything developing so quickly. He is growing like a weed, just shooting up and filling out. I see his mind sharpening, he is like a little sponge absorbing it all. I don't think he understand the whole divorce thing, because he still asks for his father here and there. Speaking of which, I thought we could be "friends" all enlightened and stuff, but I can't friends with an asshole. Yeah, he finds way to screw me over everyday. Isn't it enough that I have let him have everything, gave him child support, plus paid for all the divorce stuff, moved out and tried to make his life easier? No, he has to find ways to fuck with me. But I guess that's life....and that's wonderful, right? NO...I am trying to do the right thing. And it just bugs me. He already got a new house, new car...and is doing just fine. While I am here in my crappy apartment, in this shitty place, away from my family. Trying to be a single mother in this world full of inconsiderate, judgemental people. And then I wonder, does he do a whole sob story to get the ladies? I wonder. Does he tell them that I was a bitch, that I cheated on him, that he was absolutely perfect? Well, sorry ladies NOT all true. Yes, I was a bitch, but only towards the end. Yes, I cheated on him, but again only towards the end. And no he was not perfect. He would never help, would leave me with a newborn for days at a time so he could "party", would have high expectations of me, and expect certain sexual favors....So no he wasn't perfect. He wasn't sweet, kind, loving. No...he wasn't. And neither was I towards the end. But you know what, I may not be wealthy or have everything that I may necessarily want or crave. But I have a wonderful boyfriend and an even more wonderful son. And their love alone is enough to fill up my bank account....maybe not in money....but in love. So I am actually a lot wealthier than most. And for that I am thankful. No this is not a ex-husband bashing session, just want to remind myself of all the wonderful things that I have. I am a lucky woman. Yes, I am.

posted by The Devil @ 10:59 AM

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