In just a couple of months Gabe will be going back to Texas. I will be there to drop him off. To return him to our birthplace. To return him into the embrace of his father. I will not get to spend the summer with him. I will miss our trips to the pool, and to the lake. I will miss lazy Sunday's at Trader's Village in the company of my boisterous family. I will miss us laying the itchy grass outback, soaking in the summer sun. I will miss the crickets with their llulaby. I wont get to see him play softball, or to see him put on his first pair of soccer shorts. I will miss him getting on my nerves. His talking back to me. His laugh. His smell. I will miss his cries out to me in the middle of the night. I will even miss him waking me up at 6 on the weekends. I already ache for him. It's not enough time. I have taken him for granted. I get angry too quickly. He will come back a boy. No longer my baby. He is independent, curious, and stubborn. He takes after me. His embrace, albeit rough will be sorely missed. I will probably fall apart. My heart breaks thinking that I wont see him everyday. I am missing what is here, now. What if something were to occur and I wasn't there to kiss the pain away? Will he despise me? Will he ever understand why I am doing this? I need the break, don't get me wrong. I need to go to school. I need to better myself in order to provide. I plan on finishing up my time playing Army. Six years of my life wasted. I haven't accomplished much if anything at all. I am seen as nothing but a blip in the radar. There one second, and gone the next. I will cry my heart out, when I leave him. Cold turkey is difficult. It's not easy to have him here and to just deposit him into his father's care. But I am not here to deny him of a father. It's not my motive to divorce him of his father's love. My perogative was to divorce my XH, not divorce our families. Before he leaves, we need to find a bigger place, have everything moved in and ready for when Aaron comes and visits Randy. How funny. As I leave my child, Randy will have Aaron here. It's funny. But it should help keep me occupied. At least temporarily. I will miss you, my rowdy boy. I will cry for you. But I will stay strong. I hope you enjoy your time with your father. And that he enjoys it, too. I will be here waiting untill you come back. And like I tell you: Mommy always comes back.